Shadowlight's Lighthouse

(no subject) Convention Report for the Eastern Avenue (Shadowfox-memorial) Game Festival
October 10th, 2010
Current Mood:sad sad
First day of convention. I wore a grey pinstriped 3-piece suit (that I bought, once upon a time, in a thrift store, and never wear.) I was late getting there (partly because I had extra layers to put on but mostly because I missed an exit and wound up having to drive to the next town and turn around.) Didn't matter. I had no players. but that didn't matter- I played Marvel Heroscape with friends and that was fun.
Ran Mutants & Masterminds for three people, although I had to ask two of them if they wanted to so the first could have something to play. borrowed a sourcebook from one of them to use npc stats from. Still, it went well. beginning, middle, and end and everything.
CF and CW bought me dinner at the diner down the street from the Veterans Memorial Hall. nice of them. good meal. No players for Fudge Rifts. I played in Thymewind's Gamma World game (the new, just-out version of the rules, which aren't bad, actually. ditto Heroscape.) and that was fun.
Of the various people that I invited, recruited, or told about convention, none of them showed today, and only one is coming tomorrow. Even the coworker who was scheduled to run a game flaked out with one day's notice, telling me yesterday that he couldn't think of a storyline for a game. (Among seasoned GMs, this is known as a 'lame-ass excuse'. Thymewind and I had a story idea he could've used before sundown that day. Maybe he wouldn't care for "The Antichrist tricks/coerces virtuous characters like Francis Mulcahey into bringing him the Holy Grail so he can drink out of it to attain messianic powers." but the point is, less than 24 hours. )
Things were wrapping up for the day from 9:30 on, and the organizers were counting the till to see if they were going to make enough money to cover the cost of renting the space (unlikely). The Tall Man handed them two twenties as a donation to help out. The Tall Man had shown up in an actual suit, not as a costume. Shortly thereafter, MA jokingly asked if I was working for the Tall Man, since we were dressed the same. This apparently bruised Tall's ego, because he proceeded to make a bunch of comments about how shabby my clothing was, how my shoes were falling apart instead of shiny and polished (his were gleaming, as I only noticed once the topic came up), and how my suit was too small, and 'did I mug a midget on the way in here' and so on. MA and the other macho-male geek toy-using-soldiers teased along playfully. Then, immediately thereafter, it was time for everyone to go home. ...and I'm left, feeling lousy and unlovely even in a suit, feeling like even in a place theoretically full of only freaks and mostly old friends... even among freaks, I'm less cool than the other freaks. like I had a delicious, expensive meal, but desert was manure; like junior high never really ends; and wondering why I worried for months and sweated getting all this ready when all that really matters is the attitude of the people involved.

rant from a feverish world
July 31st, 2009
Current Location:feels like Manila
Current Mood:bitchy bitchy
Today was a random-little-things bad day, and I didn't feel great about myself and my place in the world. I shouldn't have read all those Writers' Block posts about how people met. (The stories are never useful. I always think they will be. Most of the bloggers have nothing useful to say on the topic, and they made it sound so *easy*. Misdial a phone! Chat with your mom while ordering fries! You, too, can find love in any bloody place with grown-up non-related humans in it!)
Ironically, have been showering daily...but sweating so much in this heat, I never get that 'clean' feeling...or even that 'dry' feeling. It's so hot, I keep thinking I'm feverish until I remember. Every time I feel anger, I drench myself in sweat. Nonetheless, I don't want winter back.

Woke rested despite spider-packed nightmares. Managers tell me they appreciate me for doing task x (cleaning a clean floor until no man can call it dirty, or something). I ask them to arrange the upcoming work-schedule (the next one to be scheduled) so I have that particular Sunday off. (there's a party) They say they'll see what they can do. hrm. When our most regular customer says "thank you so much", *then* it means something, because he has a severe neuromuscular disorder and it's clear that speaking is an effort for him. Today, he called me by name. I don't think that's ever happened before. So, that's the official high point of my day.
Fairly smooth day, aside from the clean floor getting dirtier as I cleaned it (because traffic on the floor increased). Thought some seemingly profound things, now forgotten. All was slowly drowned in a zen koi pond of serenity, or maybe fatigued apathy: the retail rage, the nightmare spiders, the being thanked all the time. Once I finished my shift, however, I went to local bigbox bookstore to see if I could special-order _Icons_, (answer: it is known to them, but not available to them right now. try again later) and wind up getting sidetracked and wasting time. Text message from a friend to the effect that she's unimpressed with my efforts so far to see that Blind Rebel Scholar gets to the party that I myself might not be able to attend. I send her an email suggesting that, if need be, I could show up after work, whenever that is on that day I asked for off while they were appreciating me, just to say hi and take the Blind Rebel Scholar home. Inasmuch as it could mean a long day between waking and sleeping again, it's not a great plan, but inasmuch as it would give me some quality time with the Blind Rebel Scholar before he goes back out west, and the other plans either give him less time with friends or rely on authority figures keeping promises they haven't technically made,... well, inasmuch as all that, it's the best plan I've got. I got sort of emo for a while after that. wrote down the idea I had for the Over the Edge game at con before I forgot that, too. Now it's bedtime.

I've gone ahead and made a separate livejournal blog under the name "greycleaner" in attempt to clear this one of work-rants, emospection, geeklust, inappropriate humor, and whining. So far, I've put 2 entries in, one of them being the continuation of my current work-happenings (part 3 in the Kip saga!). The new blog is an experiment, expressing there what I squelch here, to both squelch and express more confidently. I know "edgy, angry malpanda" sounds like a contradiction in terms, but we'll see.
When Adam Warlock did this, it took all the Marvel heroes two summer crossovers to fix it. I think I can manage less damage than that.